


Mommy Dearest

by intertwinedpinkies



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-16 08:36:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4618734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intertwinedpinkies/pseuds/intertwinedpinkies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Connor’s mom, Amanda, is coming to watch Connor over the weekend, and Connor is debating whether to tell her about his relationship with Jude. Tension begins to build between Jude and Connor as Connor procrastinates the inevitable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Surprise!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been posting this fic on my tumblr, intertwinedpinkies, since before the 3a premiere, and I finally got an Ao3 so i decided to post it here too! I hope you like it!

It seemed like typical Thursday morning at the Stevens’ residence. Adam had just left for work and since it was summer, Jude and Connor were sitting in the living room playing their brand new video game. However there was an uneasiness that was apparent in Connor. He had been extremely nervous all week long and Jude knew exactly why. Connor’s mom was coming to watch Connor over the weekend while Adam was away on a business trip. It wasn’t that Amanda Stevens scared Connor, but their relationship had become extremely strained when she left. He would get a phone call from her about every week, but those never seemed like enough to Connor, he wanted a mom not just her voice. So much had changed for Connor over the past few months and unless Adam told her any of it, she was completely in the dark. The only things Connor was sure she knew about were that he had been shot and Daria. He wanted to tell his mom about Jude, and since Connor wasn’t sure when the next time he would see his mother was, now was as good a time as any.  


But that was what made him so nervous. Sure telling Adam was terrifying, but he eventually came around and had even begun to enjoy Jude’s company. How Amanda would react was a complete mystery to Connor. This mystery had him debating whether or not to actually tell her. A hand waved in front of Connor’s face that pulled him from his thoughts.  


“Earth to Connor.”  


“Huh…What?” Connor responded.  


“Dude, are you okay? You haven’t moved for like 5 minutes.” Jude said while gesturing towards the T.V. and the game they were playing.  


“Uh sorry, I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”  


“Your mom?” Jude questioned as he paused the game. He knew that her impending visit had been bothering Connor, he just didn’t know how to bring it up. Connor rarely talked about his mom after she moved to Arizona, and he didn’t want to push him. The few times that Jude had met Amanda she seemed fairly nice, so Jude wasn’t really sure why Connor had been so worried.  


“Yep,” Sighed Connor.  


“Want to talk about it?”  


“I don’t know… It’s just, I’m not sure if I should tell her.” Connor saw Jude’s brow furrow in confusion and began to elaborate on what had been on his mind since he heard his mom was coming to visit. “About us, ya know. I don’t think my dad has said anything and I don’t know how she’ll react. I don’t think it will be bad, but I also don’t want to make the weekend awkward if things go wrong. This is the first time I get to actually see her since she left and I don’t want to ruin it.”  


Jude gave Connor a sympathetic smile, turned his body so he was facing his boyfriend, and grabbed his hand, “Yeah, I get that. You don’t want to ruin your relationship before you even start to rebuild it. So what if you tell her on Sunday, before she leaves. That way things go wrong she’ll be leaving soon.”  


“I could do that, but if she reacts poorly that might be even worse than if I tell her right away and it goes bad. Like she can just walk away if I do that, but if I tell her tomorrow she has the whole weekend to come to terms with it. But it could be a super awkward weekend where we just grow more distant and I just don’t know what to do Jude.” Connor let out a groan and lay his head on Jude’s shoulder, just needing the comfort that only his boyfriend could offer. Jude started to rub Connor’s back when he got an idea.  


“You aren’t sure how she’ll react, right?” Connor lifted his head off of Jude’s shoulder and nodded. “Well what if you drop hints that we’re more than friends, or that I have two moms, or something like that just to see how she reacts. If it’s good you can tell her, if it isn’t then maybe wait a while to tell her.”  


No matter how bad or confused Connor felt, he always knew he could count on Jude to at least try to make things better. Whether it was with a comforting hug or joking around, Jude could always lift Connor’s mood. It was one of the many things Connor liked about Jude so much; he just knew what Connor needed, even if what he need sometimes was a kick in the gut. But this time Jude offered Connor his support.  


“You’re brilliant,” Connor whispered while leaning in to give his boyfriend a thank you kiss. “But what if I find out she would hate me if I told her I’m gay, then what?”  


“Connor, you do what you need to do to be safe and happy,” Jude told him truthfully. “If that means not telling her, then that’s what it means. Maybe it means waiting until she’s back in Arizona and telling her over the phone. Heck, you don’t even have to tell her.”  


“I know, but I’m done hiding myself from people, especially my family, it’s too much work. And I don’t want her to leave here thinking that you’re just a friend to me because you are so much more. But most of all I don’t want her to hate me!” Connor put his head back down on Jude’s shoulder and let out a whimper.  


“Hey look at me,” Jude said while lifting Connor’s chin so they were making eye contact. “She’s your mom, I don’t think she could ever hate you. Look at your dad you were so sure that he would despise you, but he doesn’t, he loves you, and he does more than tolerates our relationship. Your mom loves you Connor.”  


“If she really cared why did she leave?” Connor looked as he was going to burst into tears at any moment, and Jude didn’t know what to do. He quickly wrapped the other boy in a tight hug ready to let him sob, when they heard a doorknob turn.  


“Surprise!” Amanda Stevens yelled through the house as she walked through the door.


	2. Chapter 2

The sound of Amanda’s voice shot through the house causing Connor to jump out of Jude’s embrace with the speed of a cheetah. He wiped away the tears in his eyes and gave Jude a look of total confusion. He thought he still had one day to mentally prepare himself to see his mother. Not that he wasn’t happy to see her again, but Connor wondered why was she here a day early? He heard his mom place her bags down and start to walk through the house. Connor froze for a second before looking at Jude and mouthing, “What do we do?” The shock of Amanda coming early made Connor’s mind go blank, and Jude could tell. In response Jude gave his boyfriend’s hand a squeeze, silently reminding him of what they had talked about just 5 minutes before.

“Connor! Where are you sweetie?” As Amanda’s footsteps got louder and louder Jude released his grip on Connor’s hand. She then rounded the corner into the living room. “There you are! How are you?” She seemed to pay no attention to Jude’s presence at all, as she rushed over to give Connor a hug with a huge smile on her face.

“I-I’m good mom. What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t coming until tomorrow.”

“Oh I got an earlier flight so that I could surprise you and spend a whole extra day with my son who I love so much!” As much as it sometimes annoyed him, Connor missed the cheery tone of his mom’s voice. Hearing it over the phone didn’t have the same calming effect it did in person. Add in the fact that he hadn’t heard his mother this cheerful in a while made a smile appear on Connor’s face.

“I’ve missed you too mom.” Connor said while going in for another hug. As he exited his mother’s embrace he began to gesture towards Jude. “Oh, and this is –“

“Jude! I remember him honey, plus you talk about him all the time. Or at least your father says you talk about him.” At that comment Connor shifted his gaze towards the ground. He knew that he should make an attempt to include his mom in his life more, but she left him. She didn’t really care, right? Connor then felt Jude elbowing him lightly.

“You talk about me?” Jude said as a blush started to creep up his cheeks.

Connor’s face started to turn the same shade of red as he spoke again. “Well you are my b-“ At that moment Connor’s thoughts were racing. He could just rip off the bandage now and tell his mom, or he could let his nerves take over and wait a little longer. He saw Jude look over at him expectantly as he continued, “b-best friend, right?” Jude saw the other boy look upset and shot him a look that told him it’s okay.

“Well it’s good to see you again Jude.” Amanda interrupted. “What were you boys up to before I walked in?”

“We were just playing this new Star Wars game my moms bought me the other day!” The boys watched Amanda as Jude said “moms,” but didn’t catch any significant change in her body language. Jude took that as a good sign, while Connor figured she just didn’t catch what his boyfriend had said.

“Why don’t you boys get back to playing then while I go unpack my bags and freshen up upstairs? After that I can take you to that diner you love so much for lunch Connor. Jude, you are welcome to join us!” With that Amanda turned around to go grab her bags from the foyer. The boys grabbed their controllers and Jude unpaused the game.

Neither of the boys spoke until they heard Amanda reach the top of the stairs. When she did, Connor ran a hand through his hair and muttered, “Oh my God.”

“Hey it’ll be okay.” Jude reassured. “She just caught you off guard. You weren’t ready to tell her just yet and that’s fine. Do it when you feel comfortable.” Connor knew he was right, but he couldn’t help but be disappointed in himself. He was able to come out to his dad, so why was coming out to his mom so scary?

“Yeah, I know. I’m just nervous, ya know?” Connor admitted. “But could we just get back to this game, I think I just need something to distract me for a little bit?”

“Sure, just let me text my mom to make sure I can go to lunch.” Jude grabbed his phone on the coffee table and sent out a quick text. Minutes later his phone buzzed with a message from Lena telling him it was okay to go to lunch with Connor and his mom and asking why Connor’s mom was there. He sent a text back thanking her and that it was along story that he would tell her later, not wanting to get into all of the details then.

“Now it’s time to woop your ass!”

“No way Stevens you’re going down!”

-

The drive to the local diner was fairly normal. It mainly consisted of Amanda asking the boys about the end of school and how their summer was going. The questions were mostly directed towards Connor, but Jude did chime in every once in a while. He didn’t mind though, he enjoyed watching his boyfriend reconnect with his mom, and judging by the content smile on Connor’s face he was enjoying it too.

Amanda pulled into a parking space and all three of them got out of the car and started walking towards the restaurant. When they reached the door Connor rushed to grab it and hold it for the other two. After his mom entered the diner, he gave Jude a quick wink as he followed, causing him to blush over his dorky gentleman of a boyfriend.

The diner was surprisingly empty that day. The three figured they would have to wait a little while before getting seating because it was noon, which meant the lunch rush, but they were brought to a booth as soon as they entered. Connor slid into the inside of one side, with Jude scooting in next to him and Amanda sitting across from the two teenagers. A comfortable silence fell over the boys and Amanda as they looked over their menus. Soon after they all closed their menus their waitress came by the table.

“Are you ready to order?” All three look at each other and nodded.

“I think so! I’ll have the chicken Caesar salad.” Amanda informed the waitress.

“I’ll just get a burger with a side of fries, please!” Connor said while offering a smile the waitress.

“And I’ll get an order of pancakes!” Connor rolled his eyes and let out a chuckle as they gave their menus to the waitress and she brought their orders back to the kitchen. “What? It’s only noon, so it’s like brunch.” The explanation Jude gave only made Connor laugh harder.

“Yea, but you told me you had pancakes for breakfast too! Which was what, like three hours ago?” Connor remarked through his laughs. Jude raised his eyebrows in a way that asked Connor, “Yeah, and?” which caused Connor to snort a few time, making Jude start to laugh as well.

Amanda could only smile at the laughter her son and what she believed to be his best friend were sharing. In her absence and the short amount of time that she had been home she realized how little about Connor she really knew. Adam had told her he had separated himself from some of his old friends and was started to make others, but she hadn’t known how close he had gotten to the foster child that had come over to their house a couple of times. She was happy that Connor was really coming into himself and making good friends.

“So, Connor,” Amanda interrupted and waiting for the boys’ laughs to die down before she continued. “Your father tells me you are dating someone. What’s her name again? Daphne? Danielle? Devin?”

“Daria.” Jude deadpanned. He gave Connor his infamous bitch face, annoyed that she still thought they were together. He had nothing against Daria herself, seeing as Connor was just using her. They had actually become pretty decent friends after Connor had told her that he and Jude were dating, but he still felt a pang of jealousy when Amanda had mentioned Connor dating her.

“Oh, yes! Daria!” Amanda cheered.

Connor tried to think of what to tell his mom about what happened with Daria without mentioning Jude, but it was so hard with Jude giving him a death glare. He cleared his throat before opening his mouth to speak, “Oh umm Daria and I broke up right after I got shot. Dad thought she was a bad influence on me and he was right, but Jude and I are still pretty good friends with her and her other friend Taylor.” Jude’s face softened indicating Connor gave the appropriate response.

“I”m sorry, honey.” She sympathized, “But I’m sure there will plenty more girls who would love to date my handsome son. I’m glad you had friends like Jude to help you through the break up though.”

“Yeah,” Connor said awkwardly followed by a couple of fake chuckles.

“Excuse me.” Jude got up abruptly and walked away from the table. Connor noticed how uncomfortable he got after his mom’s comment. He excused himself as well and followed Jude into the bathroom. He found Jude standing at one of the sinks splashing some water on his face.

“Can I help you, _friend_?” Jude hissed, making sure to add extra emphasis when he said friend. He stared at the mirror as Connor spoke.

“Hey don’t do that. You know she doesn’t know about us. And it’s not my fault my dad wanted to brag about his ‘totally heterosexual’ son having his first girlfriend, but forgot to mention that we broke up.” Connor saw Jude’s reflection crack a smile. He walked over to Jude and grabbed both of his hands and pulled them so the boys were facing one another. “I know it sucks, but we talked about this. I want to make sure that my mom doesn’t freak out when I tell her.”

“She didn’t seem to have an issue with me having two moms, and when she mentioned other ‘girls’ wanting to date you, it would have been a pretty good time to tell her there wouldn’t be any other girls, At least in my opinion,” Jude argued.

“Really Jude would it have been a good time to tell?” Connor disputed as he took a step back and let go of Jude’s hands. “She obviously has absolutely no idea I might be even the slightest bit gay, so why would I drop that bomb in the middle of a restaurant where everyone could see her hate us?”

“Connor, I didn’t mean it like that! I just meant that she doesn’t seem like she’s gonna freak out. I think you’re putting too much pressure on yourself and need to stop thinking of the worst-case scenario.”

“Okay so when I wanted to come out at school and you didn’t, we didn’t because you didn’t feel comfortable or safe yet! But now you want me to come out to my mom even though I’m not ready yet! And I know I’m thinking of the worst-case scenario because that’s what I have to be prepared for, Jude!” Connor was basically yelling, and was surprised no one came in the bathroom to see what all of the commotion was about. Connor took a deep breath to compose himself before speaking again, “You told me to come out when I feel comfortable, so that’s what I’m going to do.”

“I know, and I’m sorry, I let my emotions get the best of me. I just hate having to hide around family, and hearing your mom talking about you dating other people. From now on you have nothing but my support. Do whatever makes you comfortable.” Jude wanted to give his boyfriend a kiss to show him how sorry he was, but wasn’t sure if now was the time for that. Instead he grabbed Connor’s hand again and gave him a reassuring squeeze. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to get Connor to smile.

“Thank you. I promise we’ll be able to act like we normally do around my mom soon, I just need a little more time.” Jude smiled and nodded in response. “Now we should probably get out of this bathroom before my mom starts asking what took us so long.” Jude let out a giggle as they both walked out of the bathroom and towards Amanda.


	3. Chapter 3

The food had arrived at the table when the boys returned. Amanda gave the boys a quizzical look as they sat down. “What took you two so long?”

“There was a long line for the bathroom.” Connor offered, but he saw his mom look around at the pretty much empty diner and knew she didn’t buy it. He quickly took a bite out of his burger to try and avoid answering any more questions.

“Okay,” was all Amanda said about it and took a bite of her salad. She continued to eye the boys suspiciously as their meal continued. Not much was said while the two growing boys ate like it was their last meal. It didn’t even seem like they were chewing their food, only inhaling it. Upon finishing his burger, Connor let out a large burp to signify that he was done.

“Connor!” Amanda scolded.

“Excuse me.” He and Jude were trying to hold their giggles. “It was just really good! Thanks mom!”

“Yeah, thanks Mrs. Stevens.”

“Oh you’re welcome boys.” Amanda said through bites of her practically full salad. “So, anything planned for the weekend?”

“Well tomorrow Jude and I were planning on heading to the beach if that’s okay. But we have nothing else planned this weekend cause I figured we were gonna spend time together.” Connor smiled at his mom. He really was happy that she was home, even if it was only for a little while. And not only was she back, but Connor had her all to himself. He didn’t have to worry about his mom and dad fighting about everything. It was going to be just Connor and his mom.

“Of course you can still go Connor. Don’t let me surprising you ruin your summer plans. As long as I get to spend every other minute of the weekend with my son! So who are you going to the beach with?”

“It’s just Jude and I going. Besides this morning, we basically spend all of our time at Jude’s house. With all of his siblings it’s always so loud and we figured we could get away from all of that craziness at the beach.” He knew his mom was watching them, but Connor smiled at Jude anyway. It was long enough to tell Jude that he was excited to spend some time outside of the house and alone, but short enough that his mom would only see it as a friendly smile. “One of his moms is going to pick me up in the morning and take us to the beach. I should be back at like 3 at the latest.”

“Okay.”

The rest of lunch consisted of small talk about the boys’ plans for the remainder of summer and the upcoming school year, which both boys were in no mood to talk about. Towards the end of their meal Jude’s phone began to ring. “Mom” showed up across his screen and he excused himself to pick it up.

“Hi mom. What’s up?” Connor could hear Stef talking on the other line, but couldn’t make out what she was saying. He saw Jude’s face fall and prepared for some kind of bad news. Once Jude rolled his eyes though, Connor knew it couldn’t be that bad if he could still sass his mom, even if she couldn’t see Jude do it.

The other voice stopped talking and Jude began speaking again, “Do I have to? I never go in there it isn’t my mess … Fine. I’ll be home as soon as I can. Bye mom.”

“What’s up?” Connor asked as Jude sat back down.

“I have to go home and help clean out the garage. It’s gotten really cluttered since Brandon left his band and they haven’t been using it to rehearse. I know we had plans, but my mom said I have to help out. Sorry.”

“No worries, we are still hanging out tomorrow. I guess we’ll just drop you off on the way home.”

“Let’s just track down our waitress and we can be on out way.” Amanda said while waving their waitress over so she could pay and leave.

Amanda paid for the meal and the three headed for the car. Jude and Connor got into the backseat as Amanda took her seat at the wheel. Jude gave her directions to get to the Adams-Foster household, and opened his door when they pulled up to his house.

“Thanks again for lunch Mrs. Stevens! And thanks for the ride too!”

“Your welcome! And it was good to see you again Jude!”

“Good to see you too. See ya Connor.” Jude smiled at Connor wanting to at least give his boyfriend a hug goodbye, but a smile was the best he could do.

“Bye Jude. I’ll text you later.” Connor returned his smile and watched as Jude got out of the car and walk inside.

The remainder of the 10-minute drive from the Adams-Foster’s to the Stevens’ was spent in silence. The mother and son still had a lot to catch up on, but for now they were content just being together. Connor was also still mulling over the though of coming out to Amanda. After saying goodbye to Jude, he felt like he was lying again. Connor didn’t really know if he was lying or just omitting the truth, but either way he felt bad about it. His mom was obviously an important person in his life, but he was having so much trouble being honest with her.

The sound of the engine turning off pulled Connor from his thoughts. He stepped out of the car and walked inside of his house trying to avoid talking to his mother. He just needed some time alone to think things through. Amanda’s surprise that morning really threw him off, and even though his conversations with Jude were helpful, Connor just needed to sort out everything that was going on in his head.

Luckily his mom didn’t say anything to Connor as he bounded up the stairs towards the safety of his bedroom. He opened the door and headed straight to his bed. After staring at the ceiling for a minute, he sat up. Looking around his room he let out a deep breath. There were pictures of him and Jude all over the walls, along with a couple posters and some of his drawings, but Jude was everywhere. Most of the pictures were selfies Connor took while he and Jude were out on dates, and others were of important moments from their friendship: pictures from Jude’s adoption, his birthday, and the day they officially became boyfriends, Jude brandishing his war paint and Connor in his hospital gown. A few of the pictures were just of Jude being Jude, where he was happy and carefree, pictures Connor was able to capture without his boyfriend noticing. Those pictures were Connor’s favorites because Jude seemed so at peace in all of them.

It was obvious to any outsider that Connor was crazy about Jude. In the short time since the two had gone from friends to boyfriends, Connor had finally felt himself. It took some time at first to get used to Jude being his boyfriend and being honest with his dad, but now it all seemed so natural. When he couldn’t say good-bye to Jude the way he wanted, Connor felt trapped again. He told himself he never wanted to feel like that again, and knew what he had to do.

Opportunity literally came knocking when he heard a knock at his door and his mother’s voice. “Connor, sweetie, can I come in?”

“Sure mom.” She opened the door and walked over to Connor’s bed and took a seat next to him. “What’s up?”

“Oh not much, just thought we could talk.” She chirped as her eyes scanned Connor’s bedroom. “You and Jude seem to have grown very close.”

“Yeah well he is my best friend.” Connor said rather calm, even though he was freaking out on the inside. He could feel his palms start to get sweaty from being so nervous.

“I know that. I’m just saying that you are closer than when I left. I think it’s nice that you found such a great … friend,” she paused for just a moment before saying friend, but Connor noticed and realized that she definitely knew something was up between the two.

“He is pretty great, isn’t he?” He couldn’t help the smile that started to spread across his face. Talking about Jude just had that effect on him.

“Connor you know you can tell me anything, right?” Amanda made sure to look her son in the eyes so he knew that she meant every word she said. She had lost her son once and wanted to make sure that he knew she cared about him. She needed him to know she would always be there to support him, even if she hadn’t been for the past few months.

“Yeah mom. Thanks,” Connor somehow managed to say despite how nervous he was. His gaze wandered to the floor, when he felt his mom wrap her arms around him. She kissed his head and sighed as she got up to leave. Connor didn’t say anything until she had reached the door and was about to walk out.

“Mom?” Amanda offered him a smile, letting him know he could continue. “I-I love you.”

“I know Connor, and I love you too, no matter what.” And with that she walked out of the room.


	4. Chapter 4

Connor spent the rest of the afternoon going over what had happened that day. He eventually fell asleep, and didn’t wake up until it was nearly 5 o’clock. He picked his from up from his nightstand and unlocked it to see he had a couple of texts from Jude. 

Jude: Hey I hope the rest of your day with your mom goes well. 

Jude: I talked to my moms and they told me that if anything goes bad you can come stay here for the weekend <3\. 

Connor smiled at his phone and sent back a text thanking Jude and promising to call him later that night. He lay in bed a few more minutes when he heard his garage door start to open signaling his father’s return from work. He wasn’t sure how he would react to his mother’s surprise and so Connor hopped out of bed and headed downstairs. He figured they would at least try to keep things civil if he was there. 

When he reached the bottom of the staircase, the door connecting his garage to his house opened and Adam walked in. Adam placed his briefcase down and took off his shoes before he even looked up. When he did he greeted Connor, “Hey bud. How was your day?” 

“It was interesting… Um there’s something you should know.” Connor’s eyes searched his house for any sign of his mom, but he didn’t see her anywhere. 

“What is it?” Adam questioned. He had no idea what his son needed to tell him, but his sons current actions had him worried. 

“It’s about mom.” 

“What about your mother? We already talked about this Connor. She’s coming tomorrow and staying for the weekend. She really wants to see you, so at least give her a chance.” Adam knew his son had a hard time when Amanda left them, but she was trying to rebuild their relationship and Connor had to give her a chance. 

“It’s not that dad. She’s not coming tomorrow. She kind of surprised me this morning and came a day early.” 

“What?” All of the blood drained from Adam’s face. He was in no way prepared to interact with his ex-wife for an extended period of time. He was only supposed to see her for a few minutes when he got home that Sunday and that was it. Sure he talked with her on the phone a few times a week, but that was to keep in touch and for Connor’s sake. He was still mad at Amanda and actually seeing her was in no way helping his anger. “Where is she then?” 

“That’s the thing, I’m not sure. We went out to lunch and then I fell asleep and now I don’t know where she is.” 

“Why don’t you text her and ask her where she is? And wasn’t Jude here earlier? Where is he? I thought you two where hanging out today,” Adam remarked. He was still getting used to the idea of Connor and Jude being boyfriends, but Jude made his son happy and that was enough for Adam. Plus, he would much rather have Jude over for the night than Amanda. 

“He had to go home and help his family clean out their garage,” Connor responded. Adam walked to the kitchen table and took a seat and Connor followed. “But he did come to lunch with me and mom. She seemed to like him.” 

“That’s good. Did you tell her about you two?” 

“No, but I think I need to tell her soon. It was weird not being able to tell her about me and Jude, and just everything else.” 

“Okay son,” Adam took a deep breath before continuing, “Just know that whatever happens I’m here for you.” He placed a reassuring hand on Connor’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. He really had no idea what he was doing as a parent, but he was glad that his relationship with Connor was starting to change for the better. 

“Thanks dad,” Connor responded while standing up to give his dad a hug. As they let go of one another he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and took it out to check it. “Mom said she just went to the store to get stuff to make dinner. She’s on her way home now.” Adam nodded to indicate he understood. Connor started to walk back up the stairs to head to his room when he turned around. 

“Oh and by the way, thanks for telling mom about Daria, and then forgetting to tell her that we broke up. That was a fun conversation to have with Jude sitting right next to me.” Adam could tell that his son was joking and laughed. 

“Sorry bud,” he said in between chuckles. It wasn’t that Adam forgot to tell Amanda about Connor’s breakup, he just had a lot on his mind when it actually happened. Like Connor getting shot, or coming out, or dating Jude. There were just other things on his mind besides his son’s breakup that he wasn’t even upset about. Connor was about to starting heading up the stairs again when Adam stopped him, “Hey Connor wait!” 

Connor turned around and replied, “Yeah?” 

“Would it be a little easier for you if I told your mother?” Adam’s concern was evident in his voice. It took him time to become comfortable with Connor’s sexuality, and he was still working on it. He reasoned that if he was able to talk to Amanda first then he could ease her into the idea of Connor being gay before Connor talked to her. Adam didn’t want Connor to face any kind of hate at home again after the hell he put his own son through. Even though he wasn’t sure how Amanda would react, why take any chances? It’s better to be safe than sorry. 

Connor thought for a moment before responding. “Would it be easier? Yeah of course, but I think this is something I need to do myself. No matter how hard it might be.” 

“Okay if that’s what you want to do.” Connor nodded at his father indicating it was what he wanted and turned around to head back to his room, leaving Adam alone downstairs, awaiting Amanda’s return.


	5. Chapter 5

About half an hour after Connor and Adam’s conversation, Amanda returned to the Stevens residence. Adam was in the living room watching the Padres game when he heard a car pull into the driveway and prepared for the incoming interaction. When he heard the front door open, he decided to continue to sit in his favorite leather chair for just a few more minutes before going to greet his ex-wife. The click of Amanda’s heels rang through the house and Adam was starting to question how he ever put up with it when they were married. The Padres had just received their third out ending the inning, and Adam decided that was as good a time as any to go talk to Amanda.

So Adam mustered up all of his courage, and with a deep breath stood up from his chair and continued towards the kitchen. When he got there he saw Amanda emptying what seemed like 50 grocery bags. He watched her move about the kitchen putting the groceries where they belong as if she never left. She didn’t notice Adam until he cleared his throat.

“Oh! Hi Adam.” Her tone indicated mild surprise mixed with embarrassment, as if she wasn’t really sure what else to say to the man she was married to for 14 years. They had seemed to be getting along fine nowadays, but that was over the phone. Now looking at her ex-husband, she didn’t know how to act.

“Hi.” They both stood there awkwardly waiting for the other to make a move. Their marriage did not end well in any sense of the word, but the two of them knew they had to be civil for Connor’s sake. They could do that long distance, but they didn’t really know how to do that in person. So the two were stuck at an impasse, waiting for the other to make the first move.

Little did the two adults know that Connor had heard his mom come back home and was sitting at the top of the stairs listening to his parents interact. He rationalized that if anything got too bad between the two he would just walk downstairs and interrupt their arguing. He just wanted one night where things were the way they used to be when he was little, when his parents weren’t constantly fighting and he didn’t have to work for their approval.

Back in the kitchen it was Amanda who broke the silence, “I hope that Connor told you that I was here. And I hope that’s okay that I came a day early, it’s just been so long since I’ve seen him and wanted to spend as much time as I can with him.”

“Umm, I guess it’s okay. I would have liked a little heads up though.” Connor could tell that his dad was trying really hard not to freak out; hopefully his mom didn’t try and push any of Adam’s buttons. “So how was your flight?”

“It was fine.” Connor could have sworn that the tension in that room could be cut with a knife. He almost went downstairs to take away the awkwardness of the whole situation, but he was also curious to find out how his parents would interact without him there for a little bit longer. Amanda sighed deeply before continuing, “How are you Adam?” Adam knew exactly what she was really asking, “How have things been since the divorce? Are you really doing okay?”

“I’m in a good place right now, and so is Connor. Some things could be better, but that’s just life. What about you Amanda? How are _you_ doing?”

“Me? I’ve never been better! Life’s good. The first couple of months were hard. My mom was a big help letting me move in with her, and helped me get back on my feet. I also got a job. Paige has me working at the bakery. Oh! That reminds me I have some cookies for Connor in my bag!” Connor perked up at the sound of cookies, especially his Aunt Paige’s. That is until he realized what they were talking about. He may have accepted his parents’ divorce, but he was not ready to hear them talk about everything that happened between them.

He also didn’t want to hear about how much better his mom was doing without them. In his mind he was thinking, “If she’s so much better off, why doesn’t she just go back to Arizona now? I don’t want to be burden.” So he stood up from the step he was sitting on and headed back to his room, giving his parents some privacy.

Adam couldn’t believe her. She was thinking about cookies at a time like this! He was trying to have a civil conversation with his ex-wife. It pained Adam to admit that he was upset that she was happy. He didn’t regret his divorce and he knew that Amanda didn’t either, but she seemed to be so much happier away from him and Connor, and he knew how much that would upset his son. They never really talked about it, but Adam knew Connor missed his mom and was upset that she left them both.

“Speaking of Connor?” Amanda’s voice pulled Adam back to reality. “How is he? He seemed a bit off today.”

“What do you mean by ‘off’?” Adam questioned.

“I don’t know, he just seemed worried about something all day.” Amanda wasn’t going to say anything, but she had a hunch about what was up.

"He was probably just thrown off because you surprised him.” He tried to respect Connor’s wishes and just brush off what Amanda was saying, after all it was Connor who had to tell her. “He has been a lot happier these days. He’s really coming into himself and I’m proud of him. But he hasn’t seen you in so long and coming early just surprised him is all. I’m sure he’ll be better tomorrow.”

“Well he told me that he is going to the beach with his friend Jude. They seemed to have gotten pretty close since I left.”

“Yeah, they are real fond of each other. Once you left Connor and Jude clung to each other. They became inseparable.” Adam was reminded of the time a few months back when he tried to keep them apart, and Connor did everything in his power to stay friends with Jude. As much as it annoyed him at that time, he supposed it showed how much Connor really cared for Jude, even back then. Adam wasn’t sure if anything was actually happening back then, but it at least showed what a good friend his son was.

“Huh,” Amanda remarked, not really sure how to respond. “Well I should probably get started on dinner. I figured I would make Connor’s favorite, mac and cheese. So you can go back to watching your game and I’ll call you boys when it’s all ready.” She gave Adam a small smile before turning around and putting away the rest of the groceries and getting out everything she needed to make dinner.

-

“Connor! Adam! Dinner!” Amanda’s voice echoed through the Stevens’ house. Connor was both nervous and excited about eating dinner as a family. Obviously his parents hadn’t killed each other before, but that does not mean that they wouldn’t end up going at it at the dinner table. They hadn’t had dinner as a family in a long time though, and Connor hoped it went well. He tried to forget what his mom had said earlier because right now he just wanted one normal family dinner.

Amanda and Adam were already seated at the table when they heard their son heading down the stairs as fast as he could go, which made Adam nervous. He had gotten his boot off a few weeks ago, but he was still afraid that Connor would do something to make his wound worse.

When Connor reached the table, Adam reminded him that even though the boot was off his foot was still healing and he shouldn’t put too much pressure on it. Connor just rolled his eyes and filled his plate with his mom’s mac and cheese. He hadn’t eaten since lunch and proceeded to stuff his face, just as he did at the diner earlier.

“Whoa Connor, slow down there’s plenty of food here!” His mother reminded him. This made Connor slow down, but only slightly. “So, what time did you say Jude would be coming to pick you up?”

“Ummm, I’m not sure. I’ll text him and ask.” He sent Jude a quick text, but didn’t expect to receive a response anytime soon since his family probably just sat down for dinner too, and Stef was very strict about her “no phones at the dinner table” rule. As much as it annoyed Jude sometimes, Connor liked it. It meant that their family actually talked during their meals. Connor and his dad had recently started to talk to each other when they ate, but before that Connor would just be staring at a screen as he ate.

“Do you know what beach you are going to?” Connor looked at his mom as if she had two heads. She was very interested in every detail of his date with Jude, though she didn’t know it was a date. Adam rarely asked questions like this because he knew that he could trust that Jude wouldn’t let Connor do anything stupid or go somewhere they shouldn’t. There was the sneaking out incident, but after Connor got shot he figured that neither of them would be doing anything reckless for a while.

“Probably the one by Anchor Beach. I think Lena has some stuff she has to do at the school, so she was going to drop us off there while she did her work.”

“Lena?” Amanda had never heard his son mention this name, but the name sounded familiar for some reason.

“One of Jude’s moms. She’s the vice principal of Anchor Beach, remember?” His mom’s questions were starting to annoy him. He was sure that he had talked about Lena before, and his dad had to have mentioned her before.

“Oh right! And what was his other mom’s name? Sarah?”

“Stef.” Irritation was evident in Connor’s voice, and Amanda didn’t know why. He had seen so much happier earlier, so what was going on? Connor knew he was being a little harsh on her, but honestly he didn’t really care. His mom didn’t pay any attention to him before she left, and it was getting on his nerves that she thought that everything could go back to normal so easily. He was also mad at himself for thinking that everything would go back to normal. “So much for a nice family meal,” he thought.

This wasn’t the first time that Connor had been mad at his mother for leaving. At first he was sad and confused, but soon became angry that she was able to detach herself from her own family so easily. That was when Connor stopped talking on the phone with her, and wanting nothing to do with his mother. At first he thought that this weekend would be a good way to get rid of that grudge and start rebuilding a relationship. Lunch was a good start, but after hearing her say how great her life has been since she left, Connor’s anger towards Amanda resurfaced.

“Connor are you feeling okay?” Adam was trying to stop his son from doing something he would regret. He knew that his son felt anger towards Amanda at times, but he didn’t know what brought this on. When they had talked earlier he didn’t seem upset with her at all.

“Oh I’m fine, I’m not sure mom is though.”

“And what does that mean Connor?” Amanda was completely bewildered by Connor’s change in attitude.

“Oh just that you like Arizona so much, and it probably sucks that you had to come back here for the weekend.” Connor spat. At this point Connor was just releasing all of the pent up rage he had felt since his parents divorce. He had thought he was okay with everything, but obviously he wasn’t.

“Connor-“ Amanda finally registered what had gotten Connor so upset. She wasn’t sure how, but she was sure that he had heard her conversation with Adam earlier.

“You know what, can I just be excused, please?” Connor looked at his dad pleadingly, knowing he would be able to understand. Adam had felt his fair share of anger towards his ex-wife as well, and Connor knew he would be on his side.

“I think that’s a good idea.” Adam remarked. As soon as his father had opened his mouth Connor had started to get up from the table, so when he had finished talking Connor was already heading up the stairs towards his bedroom.

The adults just looked at each other for a minute before Amanda stated, “Are you sure you should have let him leave.”

]“He just needs some time alone to cool down. You have all weekend to talk about it.”

“I guess you’re right.” She commented, realizing it was going to be a long weekend. “I am sorry though.”

“For what?”

“Leaving Connor, and leaving you alone with him and running off to Arizona. At first I thought it would only be for a few weeks to help me get over the divorce, but weeks turned into months. I don’t know what happened.” She really didn’t know how to explain her actions to Adam, and even if she could she’s not sure he would really understand.

“Connor’s the one you have to tell.”

“What do I tell him? I don’t want him to feel worse than he already does.”

“Just be honest with him. He’s a smart kid, he’ll try to understand where you are coming from.” 

-

Meanwhile up in Connor’s room, he was calling Jude. He just needed to hear his voice. Jude’s voice could always calm Connor.

“Calm down I was only eating dinner, we’ll pick you up at like 10 tomorrow.” Jude laughed into his phone; his boyfriend could be so needy sometimes.

“No it’s not that.” Once Jude heard Connor’s voice he sat up on his bed, knowing something was wrong.

“What’s wrong? Is it your mom? Did you tell her?” Worst-case scenarios were going through his head, and he was ready to hop on his bike at any point to come to Connor’s rescue.

“I didn’t tell her, but it is my mom. I heard her talking to my dad earlier and she was talking about how she’s ‘never been better,’” even though Jude couldn’t see him, Connor still made air quotes, “and I don’t know it just got me so angry.”

Jude knew that Connor just needed someone to listen and understand, and that was what he was there to do. “Why did it make you angry?”

“Because my dad and I have been doing fine without her, but we still missed her, or at least I did. I didn’t really talk about it but I missed my mom being here and her being away made me upset. And I figured that she missed us too, but the way she was talking made it seem like she was totally okay abandoning her own son.” Connor had worked himself up so much that tears started to roll down his face.

“That sucks, and I’m sorry that that happened, and I’ll always be there for you if you ever want to talk about your mom. You don’t have to keep all of this bottled up anymore.” Jude could hear Connor sniffle and assumed that he was clearing his face of tears. At that moment, Amanda walked by her son’s room and stopped when she heard crying. She peered into the room and saw her son on the phone, but didn’t know who it was.

“But maybe what you heard your mom say was out of context,” Jude continued.

“What do you mean?” Connor wondered.

“Well maybe she didn’t want to tell your dad that she misses you guys. She might not want to tell him how hard the divorce has been on her, so she just said that everything was great. I’m sure she missed you when she was gone, Connor, she just didn’t say it.” That was the best Jude could do. He’s had to deal with losing a parent, but never like this. Connor’s mom was still here, and he didn’t want Connor to give up on having a relationship with her. Jude would give anything to be able to just have five more minutes with his own mother, and he never wanted Connor to apprehend that feeling.

“I guess you could be right. Thank you for being there for me through all of this. I couldn’t ask for someone better.” A smile appeared on Connor’s face through his tears. Amanda knew that her son was going to be okay when she saw him smile and decided to leave him alone to talk to whoever he was talking to.

“No problem, that’s what a boyfriend is for.”

“Enough about me how was your day?”

Jude began talking about all of the junk they found while cleaning the garage. He talked about how excited he was to spend the day at the beach with Connor tomorrow. After that the two talked for hours about anything they could think of: video games, food, movies. The two just loved talking to each other and they found it so easy. They were the type of boyfriends who could talk for hours, but also be comfortable in complete silence, and it was one of the things Connor loved about dating Jude. It eventually became late enough that Connor fell asleep while Jude was talking. Jude didn’t notice until he heard he boyfriend emit a loud snore and decided that it was time to call it a night. He hung up the phone and fell asleep with a smile on his face.


	6. Chapter 6

“Connor,” someone whispered. Connor could hear footsteps coming closer to him but he rolled over trying to stay in bed a little longer.

“Connor!” the voice said, a little louder now. When the teenager stayed wrapped in his blankets there was only one choice left. The shaking that ensued woke Connor right up.

“Huh, what? I’m awake. Who’s there?” Connor shot upright and looked from side to side trying to determine who was there. The second he saw his dad giggling he put his head back on his pillow determined to fall back asleep.

“It’s only me bud. I just came in to say that I’m leaving for the weekend.” Adam then sat on Connor’s bed waiting for a response from his son.

“Okay bye.” Connor mumbled into his pillow. He would miss his dad, but right now what he really missed was sleeping. Plus the sooner he got back to sleep the less he had to think about his weekend with his mom.

“Hey,” Adam said as swatted at Connor’s legs under his comforter, “Can I at least get a hug goodbye.” Adam really appreciate the new relationship that he had formed with Connor and he didn’t want to lose it anytime soon. He knew that his son craved affection, and even though it took some work, Adam was not going to hold that back any longer.

“Mmhhmm,” was the sound that came out of his mouth as he rolled over and started to sit up. Adam let out a little chuckle at this, knowing how much his son hated mornings. When Connor was finally up he immediately latched onto Adam. “Bye dad. I love you.”

“I love you too Connor.”

They held each other for just a second longer before separating. Adam stood up and Connor laid back down in his bed. Connor grabbed his phone from its charger on his nightstand and checked what time it was. His phone read 9:00 and Connor groaned because Jude would be there in an hour, which meant he had to get up and start getting ready to go. Connor heard his father say something from the doorway and looked up to see what he needed.

“What?” Connor questioned.

“I said have a good weekend with your mother. Please behave. But if anything happens or you need me to come back for any reason, I’m just a phone call away. Okay?” Adam smiled and Connor returned it. Connor knew his dad meant it and that made him incredibly happy having the support from the one person he thought he would never have supported him.

“Yeah, okay dad. Thanks.” After that Adam finally left leaving Connor alone in his room. Connor pulled his blankets back up around him. He knew he should get up, but his bed was too comfortable. “What’s five more minutes?” he thought. Connor slowly started to close his eyes until he had fallen back asleep.

“Connor!” This time there was no whispering, only a frustrated Jude coming into Connor’s room and waking him up by ripping the covers off of his body. Jude’s attempt at waking up his boyfriend was useless, he just curled up into a ball and started to fall back asleep. Jude did admit that Connor looked really peaceful when he was sleeping, but his mama was waiting outside and they were supposed to leave 5 minutes ago. “Get up! I’ve been calling you for the last 20 minutes!”

Connor began to stir and opened his eyes and realized what was happening. “Jude! Oh my god I am so sorry! I overslept.” He jumped out of his bed and started running around his room grabbing whatever he needed to get ready.

“You think? I figured you were still sleeping when I tried to call you and tell you we were about to leave and there was no answer. Why didn’t you set an alarm?” Jude stood with his hands on his hips looking at Connor waiting for an answer. His eyes were like daggers staring at Connor.

“I…uh…um,” Connor knew he had nothing to be afraid of, but it did not make Jude any less scary when he was like this. “I turned it off after my dad came in to say goodbye. Sorry I planned on getting up after that but then I guess I kinda uh fell back asleep.” Connor offered a shy smile hoping that it would make everything better.

Jude knew what his boyfriend was trying to do and lucky for him it was working. Jude tried to roll his eyes and keep up his upset façade, but he couldn’t keep it together and his mouth started to form a smile. “Fine, but get ready quickly! Do you need me to grab anything?”

“Uhm,” Connor was making his thinking face while he made a mental checklist of what he had and what he needed. This expression was one of Jude’s favorites. He just looked so adorable with his mouth hanging open and scrunching up his eyes and looking up and he looked a little clueless, but Jude thought it was perfect. Connor was mumbling away his checklist while Jude was staring at his amazing boyfriend. “Bathing suit? Check. Phone? Check. Wallet? Check. Towel? Towel? Can you grab me a beach towel from the laundry room? Oh and I need sunscreen too!”

The sound of Connor’s voice made Jude shake his head and snap out of his Connor-induced daze. “Yeah sure. How about I go grab that stuff while you change and we can meet up in the car?”

“Yea sure that works. Thanks!” Once Jude had left the room, Connor began to get ready for his day at the beach. He quickly changed, then ran to the bathroom to brush his teeth and make sure he looked okay. After combing his hair a little to tame his bedhead he was good to go and headed downstairs.

Connor was almost in a full on sprint as he left his room, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw his mom sitting at the kitchen counter. He remembered all of the awful things he said last night that Connor knew he shouldn’t have said, though some of them were warranted. “Mom?” He approached her warily.

“Yeah Connor?” She responded. Amanda wasn’t sure what to say either. She felt awful for everything she put Connor through.

“Well Jude is here to pick me up, which you probably know since he got in the house.” Connor made a mental note to talk to Jude later to see how that interaction went. “But I just wanted to say I’m sorry for last night. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did and I didn’t want to leave without apologizing.”

“No, Connor you don’t need apologize. I do.” This took Connor by surprise; he never thought his mom would be the one to realize her mistakes. “I’m sorry that I left Connor. I really am.” Amanda started to tear up, but quickly wiped away her tears, “But Jude and his mom are waiting outside so why don’t we talk about this later, okay?” Connor nodded in response. “Okay. Well I guess I’ll see you later then. Bye Connor.”

“Bye mom.”


	7. Chapter 7

 Connor walked out his front door and went to hop into Lena’s car. He offered her a smile and said, “Hi Mrs. Adams-Foster! Sorry I was running a little late this morning.”

“Oh don’t worry about it honey; it’s only 15 minutes. And please call me Lena.” She returned Connor’s smile and put the car in reverse and left Connor’s driveway. “So you’re sure that your mom is okay with you not spending the day with her?” Lena figured Connor didn’t really want to talk about his mom, but she felt obligated to ask since she did come a day early to be able to spend more time with her son.

“Yeah, I think so. I mean I didn’t know she would be here early and we did make these plans last week. She knows that I wouldn’t just cancel on such short notice.” After everything that happened with Adam, Connor felt comfortable talking to Stef and Lena. His dad was there for him now, but it was nice to have some motherly advice every once in a while. He knew that he could talk freely with Jude’s parents, and that they would be honest with him. Connor really felt like he was a part of the family and not just “Jude’s boyfriend.”

“Okay, as long as she’s fine with it so am I.” Lena just wanted the best for Connor, and to her that meant him rebuilding his relationship with his mother. However, as an educator she knew not to push him into doing anything that he didn’t want to do. It was frustrating at times, especially when it was her kids who needed a push, but they needed to make their own decisions.

As Lena put the car in drive and headed towards Anchor Beach, Connor turned toward Jude, grabbed his hand and whispered “Hi.”

Jude responded almost immediately with his own hushed “Hi.” A smile spread across his face as Connor squeezed his hand a little tighter. After their discussion last night, Jude was determined to have a relaxing, no stress day, for Connor’s sake. He wanted Connor to stop worrying about coming out to his mom and all of the other drama surrounding her, if only for a few hours. Eventually they would talk about it, but for now the day was about Jude and Connor.

Lena witnessed the boys’ interaction and couldn’t help smiling as well. She was happy that the boys had each other to lean on when they needed it. Even though both boys were only 13, they had an incredibly strong relationship. She witnessed the middle school relationships that Brandon and Jesus had had at their age and knew that Jude and Connor had something different. Even though their relationship was strong, Lena was still a bit wary about it considering the boys would only be in eighth grade soon, and realistically how many eighth grade relationships last. At the end of the day though Jude and Connor were there for each other and Lena was happy about it.

Jude and Connor sat in the back seat talking about what they were going to do at the beach that day. Connor had made sure to tell Jude to bring a Frisbee and a soccer ball the night before so they could do something besides swim all day. Jude wasn’t much of an athlete, but he was starting to like sports, or at least playing them, when he was with Connor.

“So do you want to go in the water first? Or should we throw around the Frisbee before going in?” Connor asked. He didn’t really care what they did that day because he got to spend the day with Jude, and could get his mind off of talking to his mom.

“Why don’t we swim first? It’s a hot day and I bet the water will feel really nice.”

“You just want to see me shirtless,” Connor whispered to Jude, making sure he was quiet enough that Lena didn’t hear him. He saw Jude’s face go beet red and smirked to himself. “And I’m completely okay with that.”

Jude opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by Lena putting the car in park and turning around to face the boys. “Okay so, I should be done with my work at about 3, but have your phone on you so I can text you if anything happens. I’m right inside if you need anything. If you go anywhere just text me, okay?” Both boys nodded in response. They all then exited the car and the boys went around to the trunk to get their beach bags. Lena started walking towards the school and the boys headed to the beach. They turned around when they heard Lena shout, “Bye boys! Have a good day!”

In unison the two said “Bye!” and waved to Lena. After making sure they had everything they needed in their bags, they walked hand-in-hand towards the beach. The beach was not nearly as crowded as they thought it would be. It was a beautiful day and both boys thought that they would be able to find a spot, but they found one fairly easily, close to the water. They put their towels and beach bags down and then took out their sunscreen.

Jude found his sunblock first and was almost done when he asked, “Hey Connor, could you get my back?” Now it was Connor’s turn to turn red.

"Uh, um, yeah sure. No problem.” Is all that he managed to get out. He grabbed the bottle out of Jude’s hands began to rub the lotion into Jude’s back. Even though they were dating, the two were taking things very slow and this was a lot of physical contact for them. They held hands and kissed before, sure, but this was somehow different. Connor couldn’t quite figure out why though. He knew the experience wasn’t sensual, but it was still oddly enjoyable. He loved touching Jude anyway he could and this was one more way that he could add to his list.

One late night a few weeks ago, Connor was laying in bed thinking about Jude, and had determined that he liked touching Jude so much because he craved physical contact. He didn’t get much as a kid, especially after his mother checked out mentally and then actually left. Adam certainly didn’t show his love in a very physical way, and now Connor was trying to make up for all that he missed out on as a child.

When Connor had finished helping out Jude, he asked his boyfriend to return the favor. Jude was anxious to get in the water and rushed to rub in the sunscreen. But in the short amount of time that Jude spent helping out Connor, his thoughts went to the same place as Connor’s. He loved the touch of Connor. Even though he was in a loving home now, the memories of unloving foster homes were still fresh. He didn’t always have Callie there with him either and craved the same contact that Connor did. After Jude had accepted himself and how others might perceive him, he never hesitated to hug Connor or hold his hand wherever they were.

“Okay, all done!” Jude exclaimed when all of the sunscreen was rubbed into Connor’s back. ‘Ready to go in?”

“Of course! But the real question is: are you ready?” Connor teased.

“Come on you dork. Last one there has to buy lunch!” Jude was in a full sprint as soon as he challenged Connor. Connor, never being one to turn down a challenge, raced to beat him, except it wasn’t much of a race considering they were only about 15 yards from the water. By the time Connor was halfway there Jude was already in the water, yelling cheers of victory.

“I win! I hope you brought plenty of money because lunch is on you!” Connor just rolled his eyes as he entered the water as well. He was planning on paying for lunch today anyway, so he wasn’t _that_ upset. It didn’t stop him from pouting though.

“You got a head start, that’s not fair.” Connor whined as if he were a 6-year-old.

“All’s fair in love and war,” Jude smugly responded. When Connor continued to pout, Jude could only think of one thing to do. So he walked up next to Connor, bent down, and splashed him getting Connor’s whole body soaking wet.

Connor stood there dumbfounded for a second, trying to process what had just happened. Jude knew what was about to happen and ran away as fast as he could, but it was no use in the water. When Connor caught up to Jude, he talked-hugged him, plunging them both underwater. They were in a fit of giggles when they surfaced, and continued to splash each other. Neither wanted to surrender, so the two stubborn boys splashed each other until they were both too tired to continue.

“Want to go lay out for a little bit?” Connor asked.

“Sure!” Jude told him. He didn’t really understand why people liked to bake in the sun, but maybe that’s because Jude doesn’t tan, he burns. If Connor didn’t like laying out so much, and he didn’t like a tan Connor so much, Jude would never have agreed to sit in the sun doing nothing.

The two returned to their towels and Jude grabbed an extra towel out of his bag to dry off. Since Jude wasn’t a particular fan of tanning, or air-drying, he usually brought an extra towel so he didn’t have to use his sandy towel. Connor didn’t notice though because he immediately lied down on his towel face down and just felt the sun on his skin. Jude then sat down on his towel and they stayed like that for a few minutes.

“Connor?” Connor lifted his head off his towel and looked towards Jude. “Today is going to be a good day, not that it hasn’t been good.” Jude smiled towards Connor, who responded by lifting himself off of his towel and giving Jude a chaste, but sweet kiss.

“Today is going to be amazing.” Connor said after he broke from the kiss.

-

About half an hour later Connor’s stomach began growling exceptionally loud. Jude looked over with a shocked look on his face because of how loud Connor’s stomach was, it even turned a couple heads of the other beach-goers. Connor immediately went to grab his stomach, while his face began to turn a bright shade of pink.

“Are you hungry? Cause you sound a little hungry.” Jude sarcastically said. He was trying to hold in his giggles because he didn’t want to embarrass his boyfriend even more.

“I uhh didn’t eat breakfast cause I was in a rush.” Jude shook his head in understanding and grabbed his beach bag to get his phone. “What are you doing?” Connor questioned.

“Texting my mom. We are going to get lunch, on you of course _, loser_.” Jude teased. He never was one to win gracefully. While Connor was a sore loser, Jude was definitely a sore winner.

“You’re the worst,” Connor snorted. They then began to pack up their area and get ready to leave. When they were done Connor grabbed Jude’s hand and asked, “So where do you want to go?”

“We could go to Callie’s diner, it’s only like a 15 minute walk.”

“That works for me!”

And so they started making their way to the diner. They talked idly about whatever was on their minds, except of course Amanda. The conversation was easy and laid back, and made the walk seem short. Being together really did make them forget about everything else around them.

After entering the restaurant, they walked right up to the register, ready to order. Jude ordered first and got a burger and fries, while Connor got a hotdog, fries, and a milkshake for the two to share.

“That’ll be $18.36,” The cashier told them.

Jude looked at Connor with a huge grin on his face and said, “Pay up.” As Connor took out his wallet to pay he gave Jude a death stare, but it was nothing compared to Jude’s. After paying the boys sat down and waited for their number to be called. When it was, Connor got up to bring the food back. Both boys were finished with all of their food within 5 minutes because they were so hungry.

They decided that they would do some window-shopping before they headed back to the beach. So they walked the streets of San Diego, looking at the various store windows and talking. Jude thought it was amazing, until he noticed Connor tense up while passing one store. He looked over at him and before he could ask what was up, Connor let go of his hand and sped forward. Jude called his name, but Connor kept looking straight ahead.

Jude had to run to catch up with him and when he did he asked, “What was that all about?”

“My mom was in that store.”

“And?”

“And we were holding hands Jude! I think she saw us. We made eye-contact before I walked away.” Connor’s breathing became heavy and he began to pace back and forth on the sidewalk. “Oh God, she saw us. What’s gonna happen? What if she hates me?”

Jude grabbed Connor’s hands, stopping his pacing, looked him in the eye and said, “Hey, she is not going to hate you. It’s going to be alright” He wasn’t sure if it would calm Connor down, but Jude needed Connor to know that.

“How do you know?” Connor sounded defeated.

“Because no one could ever hate someone as amazing as you.” Jude pulled Connor into a hug to let him know that everything would be okay, and if it wasn’t he was there for him.

Connor came out of the hug looking even more hurt than before. “But you don’t know her like I do. She’s not the most open and accepting person.”

“She’s your mom, she probably just wants to see you happy.”

“You don’t get it, Jude. You have two moms that love and support you no matter what. I have a dad that could barely look at me after I came out and a mom that left me. Things are actually starting to look up for me now, and I don’t want things to go back to how they were. You just don’t get what it’s like to not feel loved!”

“Excuse me!”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's a flashback in this chapter, it's in italics and it takes place during 2x10

“Excuse me!” Jude snapped. Any sign of sympathy was gone from Jude’s face and replaced with anger, and it terrified Connor because he knew how hard it was to make Jude mad. And when Jude got mad, he got really mad.

“Jude, I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant. I was just-” 

“Just what Connor? You know what it doesn’t matter because I probably wouldn’t _get it_ anyway.” Jude was so mad and upset that he didn’t quite know what to do. He wanted to walk away from Connor because Connor’s words had really hurt him, but another part of him wanted to stay and prove to Connor that he did get it, he got every single word. Jude was one of the only people who could be there for Connor, so he decided to stay.

“Jude, come on, I was just upset and scared. I didn’t mean it.” Connor’s eyes pleaded with Jude to hear him out.

“If you didn’t mean it, then why did you say it Connor?” Jude knew that Connor’s emotions got that best of him when he said what he did, but he also knew that a part of Connor had to really believe what he said, otherwise it wouldn’t have been on his mind at all.

“Because you kept trying to make me feel better and like I had nothing to worry about. You were acting like you didn’t understand what I was going through, Jude!” Connor exclaimed.

“I understand more than anyone what it’s like to not feel loved. You know what I’ve been through, how I’ve suffered. I know what it’s like to have no one there for you. I know what it’s like to feel like you can’t be yourself out of fear. I know what it’s like for things to actually look like they are going to go your way and then the rug is pulled out from under you. So why wouldn’t I get it?” Jude’s voice became louder as he spoke. He wasn’t going to let Connor off the hook that easily.

“Jude it’s not that you don’t get it, it’s just, I don’t need someone telling me everything is going to be okay right now. Maybe it will be, but I have to be prepared for the worst-case scenario, you should know what that’s like. You totally get it and that’s why I need you to be honest with me, because it might not be okay, and you get that.” Connor’s voice softened with his words. He had messed up, sure, but he knew that yelling wasn’t going to help either of them. He continued, “I don’t always need someone to baby me, Jude. I need someone who is going to be by my side through all of the crappy stuff.” What Connor had said before was definitely not okay, but he need Jude to see things from his perspective.

“I am by your side Connor! All I am trying to do is help. Can’t you see that? And then you have the nerve to say that I don’t know what it feels like to not feel loved.” Jude scoffed.

“Are you even listening to me?” Connor said, exasperated.

“I am listening to you Connor, loud and clear! In fact since you want me to be honest with you, you are being kind of a dick right now, and I don’t want to deal with it.” Without saying another word Jude turned around and started to walk away from Connor.

“Jude!” Connor called out, “Jude, come back!” Connor threw his head back in both annoyance and exhaustion. He really didn’t want to deal with an upset boyfriend and his mother today, yet here he was. When Jude obviously wasn’t going to turn around, Connor began to run after him.

-

“How could Connor not realize how much he screwed up?” Jude thought as he was walking. “I’ve been hit for being myself for God’s sake, how do I not know what it’s like to not feel loved?” It wasn’t that Jude didn’t understand where Connor was coming from because he realized that sometimes what you want to hear is that everything might not work out how you want. But the way Connor insinuated that Jude knew nothing about what he was going through really pissed him off. Jude didn’t like to talk about his past, but when Connor had asked him to tell him about his past foster homes, Jude was hesitant at first, but soon he wasn’t afraid to tell his best friend about it because he knew Connor wouldn’t pity him. He would only listen and try to understand what Jude had to endure before coming to the Adams-Foster’s. Jude’s thoughts brought him back to that day as he walked.

-

_“You should have asked me what happened.” Connor was obviously annoyed at Jude. He knew that the cut on his eyebrow looked bad, but that didn’t mean that Jude had to go and tell his mom about it._

_“I did. You wouldn’t talk about it.” Jude pleaded._

_“I didn’t want to tell you that my dad still,” Connor looked around to make sure no one was listening in on their conversation before continuing in a whisper, “spanks me.”_

_“I’m sorry. It’s just, I know what it’s like to be hit, and feel like you can’t tell anyone.” Connor gave a tiny nod in understanding._

_“You didn’t tell your mom, about what we did?” Connor looked right at Jude as he spoke while Jude looked anywhere but at Connor. “Did you?”_

_“No.” Jude’s voice was small, but assured Connor he was telling the truth. Connor nodded while his jaw moved side to side. At this point both boys averted their eyes from one another by staring at the ground._

_Connor was the one to break the tension, “So, lunch?”_

_“Yeah, let’s go.” Jude responded._

_The boys walked to their lockers in silence. It was completely awkward and neither boy really knew how to break that awkwardness. They grabbed their lunches and headed towards the eating area outside. When they got there, they both looked around, and couldn’t see any open table, and they weren’t really in the mood to sit with other people at the moment. They then turned towards each other and nodded, knowing they were thinking the same thing._

_Jude and Connor then made their way towards the bench overlooking the ocean. It was fairly close to the other students, but still far enough away that they would feel like they were alone. They both took their seats on opposite sides of the bench and put their lunch bags in the middle of the bench and began to eat._

_“What was it like?” Connor was once again the one to break the silence._

_“Huh?” Jude was confused by Connor’s question._

_“You said that you knew what it was like to get hit and not be able to tell anyone. What was that like?” Jude tensed up immediately at the question. Connor noticed and quickly thought of another way to ask what he wanted to ask. “Well not that, but what was it like to live in homes like that?”_

_“It sucked.” Jude said blankly. Connor could tell that the question still made Jude uncomfortable._

_“Were they all like that? Your foster homes, I mean.”_

_“No, not all of them. Some weren’t that bad actually. The first home Callie and I went to after our mom died was probably the best, until we went to Stef and Lena’s.”_

_“What made it so good?” Connor asked innocently. Jude didn’t really talk about his past all that much, and Connor was genuinely curious about what Jude had gone through, and what helped shape his best friend._

_Jude was always afraid that people would judge him for what he had gone through, or they would look down on him. But when he looked up at Connor, he saw no pity. Jude trusted Connor enough to finally open up about his past, so he took a deep breath before saying, “Well both of our foster parents were really nice, I guess. I think they also felt a little bad for us. But they made us feel like we belonged there at first. They didn’t push us to talk about what happened to us, instead they let us grieve in our own way, and Callie and I really appreciated that.”_

_So what happened? Why did you leave?”_

_“Umm, our foster mom got pregnant, and I guess we were too much to handle with a baby on the way. They wanted to start their real family and we weren’t apart of it.”_

_“Where did you go after that?”_

_“It was this house where we had to do a lot of chores, there were also a lot of other kids there. The parents just wanted the check I think. Sometimes they would hit us if we didn’t do our chores the right way or didn’t do them when they were suppose to get done.” As he spoke Jude remembered the first time he got hit. He was supposed to put away dishes after they were dried, but he dropped some of them and they broke. His foster father was not happy about it and hit him with a metal spoon on his ribs, leaving a bruise. Jude hid it from Callie, afraid the might be hit again if he told anyone._

_The memory had made Jude tear up. After the first tear fell, Jude took a lot of interest in his sandwich. He could tell that Connor was looking at him, but he was afraid to look back and see Connor looking sorry for him. Instead, he felt Connor grab his shoulder sympathetically and say, “At least things are better now, right?”_

_Jude smiled at his friend because he didn’t say he was sorry, or that it sucked, he just acknowledged that his past had happened, and that everything was better with Stef and Lena._

_“What about the other homes, what where they like?” Connor asked once Jude had finished crying. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”_

_"No, it’s okay.” Jude trusted that Connor wouldn’t see him differently after he told him about the things that had happened to him, so he told him. He told him about being beat for wearing a dress, and what it was like for Callie to be in juvie. He told him about some of the awful foster siblings he had to share rooms with, and he told Connor about how Callie was always there for him. But there were a few things that Jude didn’t tell Connor, such as about Liam, because he felt like it wasn’t his place to talk about them._

_When Jude had finished telling his story, the lunch bell rang. Both boys gathered their garbage and stood up. Before they began walking back into school Connor grabbed Jude’s arm and turned Jude towards him. “Thanks for telling me all of that. I know it can be hard to talk about that kind of stuff.” Connor then moved closer and gave Jude a hug, and Jude returned it. It was quick but meaningful. After they split apart they threw away their trash and walked to class._

-

Jude looked back on the memory fondly. It was the moment he really fell for Connor. He had a crush on him before that, and they had kissed on the camping trip, but this was the moment that Jude really trusted Connor and knew he would be someone special in his life. He then remembered the interaction he had just had with Connor, and was upset again. Jude didn’t understand how after everything Jude had told him, Connor could say that.

Jude continued to walk to try and clear his thoughts. He realized that just as Connor wasn’t thinking rationally, neither was he, and he just needed to clear his head and relax before talking to Connor again.

-

Connor finally caught up with Jude when he reached Anchor Beach. He saw him waiting by Lena’s car, and checked his phone and saw it was almost 3, which meant Lena was almost finished with her work. He slowly walked up to Jude and didn’t say anything, waiting for Jude to speak first. He waited a few minutes and when Jude still didn’t say anything, Connor spoke, “Jude, I’m really sorry.” Jude still didn’t say anything, and turned away from Connor in response.

“Come on, Jude. You have to at least talk to me.” Connor pleaded.

Jude turned his body back around and looked at Connor and said, “Look I really just don’t want to talk to you right now. I know you’re sorry, but I just need time to think.” It wasn’t so much that Jude needed time to think, he just didn’t want to say something that he would end up regretting, but he didn’t want Connor to know that.

“Okay, take all the time you need.” Connor realized that prodding Jude to talk to him would get him nowhere. Even though he wanted to work this out, he knew he had to respect what Jude wanted if they were going to make things better.

“Hey boys! Ready to go?” Lena asked as she exited the school and was heading towards the car. Both boys gave curt nods and entered the car as she unlocked it. She noticed they were acting a bit strange and upon entering the car she asked, “Everything okay?”

“Yep. We’re fine.” Jude said. He really did not want to talk about what happened with his mama right now. She would try to act as a couples’ therapist for them and that’s not what he needed. He needed a mother’s advice, something he wouldn’t get if Connor was with them.

“Okay,” was all she said as she pulled out of the school parking lot. She gave Jude a pointed look through the rearview mirror, and Jude knew that it meant, “We’ll talk later.”

Conversation in the car was dull, with Lena only receiving one-word answers to most of her questions. The boys had been so excited for the beach that morning and she was wondering had happened since then. She had also noticed that Jude and Connor weren’t holding hands or whispering to each other like they always did, and it worried her.

When Lena pulled up to Connor’s house, Connor didn’t even hug Jude goodbye. All he said was, “Bye Lena, and thanks for driving.” He then turned to Jude and softly said, “Bye Jude,” and closed the car door. The first thing Connor noticed when he got out was his mom’s rental car in the driveway. His argument with Jude had made him forget about seeing his mom in the first place. He then took a deep breath and started walking towards his house. He stopped a few steps short of his front door after his phone buzzed in his pocket.

Jude: I’m still here if anything happens

Connor smiled at the text because it meant that Jude still cared. He might have been pissed off at Connor, but Connor knew that Jude was still going to be there for him if things got bad. He smiled and reached for the front door, and turned the knob, ready to face what was on the other side.


	9. Chapter 9

Jude’s thumb hovered over the send button before he decided to send the text to Connor. He might have been mad at his boyfriend, but he definitely wasn’t heartless. Connor needed all of the support that he could get, and Jude knew that meant that he would have to put aside his anger to be there for Connor.

“So, bud, is everything actually okay?” Lena said as she was pulling away from Connor’s house. The way the two were interacting, or weren’t, the whole ride home and how the said goodbye to each other had tipped her off.

“I don’t know.” Lena waited for Jude to elaborate, but he didn’t continue.

“And what does that mean?”

“Just that Connor said something really stupid and it really hurt, and I didn’t want to talk to him about it because I needed space after what he said, and now I’m not exactly sure how to talk to him about it because he’s wrapped up in coming out to his mom, and I want to support him, but I’m still pissed at him, and don’t want to talk to him!” Jude said with one breath.

“Well first I’m glad that you are still trying to be there for him when he needs you, even though you’re upset, honey. That’s a hard thing to do. What exactly did he say?” Lena looked through the rearview mirror to see Jude’s head look straight down.

“I don’t want to say, it just hurt a lot, especially coming from him.” Jude didn’t want to tell Lena too much because even though she had some great advice, he needed someone who would approach the situation from a different standpoint then, “someone hurt my baby boy.”

“Did he mean what he said?” Lena asked.

“I think so. I mean if a part of him wasn’t thinking it, why would he say it?” Jude responded.

Lena pressed her lips together and gave a nod back to Jude, indicating that she understood. As they pulled into the driveway of their own home Lena said, “If you want to talk more about what happened you know where to find me.”

When Jude entered the house he headed up to his room right away. He flopped down on his bead face first and buried his face in his pillow and let out a muffled scream.

“Hey, you okay?” AJ said from Jesus’s bed across the room. Jude looked up in surprise for a second then dropped his head back on his pillow. “Do you need to talk about something?”

“No, I’m fine.” Jude lifted his head again to respond rather coldly. AJ got the hint and stood up and walked out of the room. Jude felt a little bad about being so dismissive with Lena and AJ, but all he wanted at that moment was time alone. He just had to think and everyone asking if he was okay was not helping.

The realization that he would be bombarded by Callie asking him if he was okay once Lena told her something was up dawned on Jude and he got up to lock the door so he could actually be alone for once in that house. Almost immediately after locking the door someone tried to turn the knob from the other side. Then came a series of knocks, and when Jude still didn’t answer Callie began to scream. “Jude! Open up Jude!”

“Go away Callie!”

“Not until you tell me what happened. Mama told me something happened with Connor.” Callie’s voice had become softer and more welcoming.

“I just want to be alone right now, so please leave.” Jude’s voice, however, was still cold as ice.

“Come on Jude, you need to talk to someone. It’s not good to keep what you feel inside.”

“If I told you, you would just do something stupid and try to be the protective older sister.” Jude said through the door.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you’ll try to fight my own battle, or try to fix it by talking to Connor, or go beat him up or something, I don’t know! All I know is that you won’t let Connor and I sort this out ourselves, so if you could kindly butt out of my life for once that would be awesome!” Jude’s words were like venom. He really did feel like Callie needed to let him live his own life and make his own mistakes, but he didn’t have the best delivery.

“Sorry for trying to help, Jude.” Callie managed to choke out before walking away from the door and leaving Jude alone.

Although he did feel bad about what he said, Jude was relieved that Callie had left. But she was right about one thing, he couldn’t keep all of this bottled up, he needed to talk to someone. If he didn’t, his feelings about the whole situation would just become more intense. The problem was that he didn’t want to talk to anyone in the house. His moms would try to baby him, Callie would do something irrational, Mariana might be able to help, but she can’t keep her mouth shut, he didn’t really feel comfortable around AJ after he found out he kissed Callie, and Brandon would be of much help. So instead Jude picked up his phone and scrolled through his contact list until he found the person he was looking for and hit the call button. A few rings later and the person on the other line picked up.

“Hey, dude, what’s up?” Jesus said through the phone. When he went away to boarding school, Jesus and Jude tried to keep in contact regularly. They would text a lot and about once a week they would talk on the phone. As much as they considered each other pains in the ass, they still shared a brotherly bond.

“Hi Jesus, can you help me with something?

“Sure bro. What do you need? Is everything alright?” Jesus sounded worried because there calls don’t ever start like this.

“Kinda. Something happened with Connor and now we are in a fight I guess.”

“What did that little punk do? Do I need to hurt him?” Jesus responded quickly.

Jude shook his head and let out a laugh. Jesus and Callie were more alike than they let on. “No, you don’t need to hurt him. But, he said something that he should have and it was really stupid of him, and I figured you’ve probably said a few dumb things when you were dating people and you might be able to shed some light on what Connor was thinking.”

Jesus was ready to combat Jude’s assumption, but he was right, as much as he wanted to be seen as smooth, he has said some pretty dumb stuff. “I don’t know your whole situation, but I know that I never meant the stupid stuff I said. I was always worked up when I said them and didn’t really think about how they would affect the other person.”

“But if you didn’t mean them why did you say them? Like why would you even be thinking them?”

“Well sometime they were true, but I didn’t mean the way I said them. Like this one time I called Emma bossy. And she is, and it was something I admired about her because she knew what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to go after it. But when I told her that, it came across as something I was annoyed with and wanted her to change, but it totally wasn’t. Get it.”

“Yeah I think so. But, I’m still not sure if I should forgive him. What he said was really awful, even if Connor didn’t mean it.” Jude said.

“Well some of the things Ana did to me and Mariana were pretty awful too, but we somehow forgave her. I think if you want it to work bro, you have to forgive him.”

“Thanks Jesus.”

“Any time. I have to go to practice now, but I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Bye Jesus.” Jude hung up his phone and sat on his bed. He was happy he called Jesus because he helped him get some insight into what Connor was thinking, which made it a little better, but he was still mad at his boyfriend. Jude decided that he needed to distract himself from everything that happened that day and went to play video games for a few hours. After about an hour of playing his phone buzzed. He picked it up and saw it was a text from Connor. Jude almost didn’t even bother to read it, but curiosity got the best of him and he decided to open it.

Connor: So I told her 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place after chapter 8 and takes place at basically the same time as chapter 9. Also sorry this update took so long, I was moving back into college. From now on I'm going to try and post more frequently!

Connor opened the front door and stepped into the foyer expecting to be greeted by his mother, or at least hear her call out to him, but instead it was quiet. Connor slipped his sandals off of his feet, set his bag down and went into the kitchen looking for something for his mother, and something to eat. However, when Connor entered his kitchen, Amanda was nowhere to be seen. Connor should have been worried that he couldn’t find his mom, but he was actually relieved. As much as he tried to psyche himself up to come out in his head, he was still terrified. He wished that Jude wasn’t so mad at him because he always knew how to calm Connor down.

Connor shook that thought from his head and opened up his pantry and grabbed a bag of chips. He opened the bag and then began to search his house for his mother. Connor made sure to be extra careful not to leave crumb around the house because he knew his mother would be furious. If there was one thing that Amanda Stevens did not like it was a mess.

As Connor searched each room it was becoming more apparent that Amanda wasn’t home. After Connor searched the basement, somewhere Amanda never went, but she was nowhere else in the house so Connor gave it a shot, he returned to the kitchen. He put the almost finished bag of chips down and looked out the window to make sure he actually saw his mom’s rental car. Connor’s eyes didn’t deceive him; the car was in the driveway.

Connor wiped off the salt and vinegar chip dust on his shirt and attempted to call his mother. He paced around the island counter waiting for the ringing to end and to hear his mother’s cheery “Hello.” Instead it kept ringing until he heard a recording of his mother’s voice saying, “Hi! You’ve reached the cell phone of Amanda Stevens. I’m sorry I couldn’t answer your call, but leave your name, number, and a short message, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Bye!” Connor scoffed at the message that hadn’t changed in the past 13 years.

He thought about leaving a message, but figured his mom would see he called and attempt to call him back. When she didn’t call back within 5 minutes, Connor called her again only to receive the same recorded message. After his second attempt at reaching his mother, he sent her a text asking her where she was and when she would be back home. Connor couldn’t think of anywhere his mom would go without needing a car, and was worried. Just as he was about to try to call her for a third time, his phone buzzed with a text from his mom.

Mothership: I’m over at the Smiths. I ran into Mrs. Smith today and she told me to come over to catch up. I’ll be back later. Love You<3

Connor let out a sigh of relief as he read the text. His mom was only a few houses down with an old friend. He had nothing to worry about, except that his classmate and old teammate Blake might be home and tell his mom everything about him and Jude. Connor had accepted that his mom saw them and he would have to talk to her, not that he wanted to talk to her, but if Blake said something to his mom before he even got a chance to talk to her, he was screwed. It was no secret that Blake didn’t like Jude, and ever since Connor started hanging out with Jude he hasn’t liked him either. If Blake was home while their mom’s were catching up, he was sure to make the situation ten times worse.

Jude’s contact information was up on Connor’s phone in a millisecond. He just needed to talk to Jude about everything. But then he remembered their fight put his phone back down on the kitchen counter. Connor really didn’t need to rehash the argument they just had, especially when they both just need to calm down. But Connor still thought he need to talk to someone about what he was feeling, but he wasn’t sure if anyone would understand the fear he was feeling right now. He scrolled through his contacts searching for someone he could call and stopped abruptly when he found the perfect person to talk to. “Well probably not perfect given the situation, but I’m sure they’ll still try to help.” Connor thought as he pressed the call button. After a few rings a familiar voice answered the phone.

“Hello?” Mariana answered.

“Hey Mariana-“ but Connor was cut off before he could finish his sentence.

“Connor? Did you mean to call Jude because he’s pretty upset right now and I think you should talk to him about whatever happened between you two.” Mariana said.

“Uhh, no I didn’t mean to call Jude. I called who I wanted to,” Connor took the phone away from his ear to make sure he did in fact call who he wanted to, “and you are not that person, so could you give your mom her phone.”

“And I thought Jude was the sassy one.” Mariana commented as she handed the phone off to a confused Stef.

“Connor? Is everything okay?” After Lena told her about the mood that Jude was in, Stef had no idea why Connor would be calling her.

“Yea, umm, I think so.” Connor said hesitantly.

“Okay, then what’s up love? What do you need?” Stef could tell that everything wasn’t okay, so she tried to sound as welcoming as she could to get Connor to open up.

“Well it’s just that my mom is out and I needed someone to talk to, and Jude isn’t exactly happy with me right now, so.” Connor’s voice became soft when he began talking about Jude.

“Is it the best idea to talk to one of your mad boyfriend’s moms?” Stef pondered, not that she would ever turn Connor away; she just wanted to make sure he knew what he was doing.

“Probably not, but I needed to talk to someone who could understand what I was going through and I thought of you. I know you might tell Jude or whatever, but I just need to talk to someone.” Connor pleaded.

“I’m here to listen, love. And if you don’t want me to tell Jude we talked I don’t have to, but I would like to know what happened.”

“What happened is kinda part of the problem, well really, but what happened happened because of the problem.” Connor said.

“What?” Stef said in a confused tone. She could tell that this conversation, or at least her part of it, should be heard by the rest of the house and stood up and left the kitchen. It was hard to find an empty spot in the house, but since Lena was downstairs cooking, their bedroom was unoccupied. On her way upstairs she passed Callie, who was in a huff, and decided she would talk with her later.

“Okay, so Jude told you that my mom is staying with me this weekend right?”

Stef nodded until she realized that she was talking on a phone and said, “Yes.”

“And that I’m not out to her?” Connor questioned.

“He told us that, yeah.”

“Well, today Jude and I went to go get lunch in town. Everything was good; we were having a good time and enjoying being with each other. When we finished lunch we decided to just walk around a bit before going back to the beach. And well, I saw my mom when we were walking around. And she saw us.” Connor paused, expecting her to understand where he was going.

“Uh-huh?” Stef was still confused about what Connor was trying to tell her.

“We were holding hands.” Connor paused again.

“Oh, honey is everything okay? Did she say anything?”

“I got out of there before she had a chance to say anything. And when I tried to explain to Jude what happened, he didn’t understand why I was so worried. Or at least he didn’t act like he understood.”

“And that’s why you guys are fighting?” Stef asked.

“Not exactly. I might have said some really dumb and mean stuff to Jude about him not understanding.”

“I see.” Stef started to put up her defenses.

“I shouldn’t have said what I did, and I’ll make it up to Jude somehow. But, I didn’t exactly call you to talk about Jude and I.” Connor told her. Stef was quiet on the other line and Connor took that as her telling him to continue. “I’m scared to come out to my mom, and I figured you could help me somehow.”

Stef’s attitude softened after hearing that Connor turned to her for help with his mom. “I’ll help anyway I can.”

“Well right now my is over at a friend’s house, and I’ll probably have to tell her when she gets back, and her friend is the mom of the school bully, so he might tell her something about me and Jude before she gets back and I’m freaking out.”

“Connor I know with your dad you were scared too, and I was scared with my dad too, but I think everything will be okay with your mom.”

“Really? Why?” Connor asked.

“Well you said she saw you and she didn’t do anything, right? If she really cared that you were gay, I think she would have freaked out, even just a little. And she would have been home waiting for you to get back. I remember when my dad caught me cuddling with a girl, he freaked out and sent me to talk to a priest, and me and my friend weren’t even doing anything but cuddling during a movie!” Connor smiled at this, happy that for just a moment he wasn’t thinking about what could happen with his mom. “And you and Jude are obviously a couple, and you don’t hide and you shouldn’t have to. I think your mom’s lack of a reaction is a good thing. And if she really cares that much about you being gay, Connor, she can either get over it or she doesn’t deserve to be a part of your life. I know that might sound harsh because she’s your mom and you want her in your life no matter what, but when someone important can’t accept you it’s hard. I think it was harder to have my father in my life and have trouble accepting me, Lena, and my family than it would have been to just cut him out of my life.”

The reality of maybe losing his mother hit Connor and all he could utter was, “Really?”

“Yeah, I really think that. But I also learned that my dad was trying really hard to accept me and that made it better. But like I said, I think your mom will be okay, and if she’s not me, Lena, Jude, and everyone else, especially Jude, will be here for you, you got that?” Stef tried to reassure the teen.

“Yeah. Thanks Stef. I have to go though, I see my mom coming home now, but thanks again.”

“I’m here whenever you need me Connor. And good luck.” Stef told him.

“Thanks. Bye.” Connor hung up the phone and took a deep breath, ready to face his mom. He sat down at the kitchen table, but got up when he heard keys jingling by the front door. He looked out the window and saw his mom struggling to find the right key and trying almost everyone on her keychain. He then moved to the foyer and went to help his mom out, assuming she forgot which key was her house key. But when he opened the door, Amanda almost fell to the floor while stumbling inside, and Connor knew that the problem wasn’t that she forgot which key it was.

“Hi Connor!” A very drunk Amanda said while giving Connor a hug. When she got close enough he could smell the alcohol on her breath, and he knew it was going to be a long night.


	11. Chapter 11

After stumbling into the house and releasing Connor from her hug, Amanda went straight to the kitchen. She grabbed herself a glass of water and then began taking out pots and pans from what seemed like every cabinet. It wasn’t long before Connor followed and watched her in complete confusion.

“What are you doing? And where were you? You said you were at the Smith’s.” Connor asked.

“I’m making dinner silly! And I was at the Smith’s. Helen and I just had a few bottles, I mean, glasses of wine.” Amanda giggled through her slurred speech. Connor didn’t know what to say. He had seen his mom have a glass or two of wine, sure, but she was completely wasted. Adam had been drunk before, not very often, but Connor knew how to deal with that. A drunk Amanda was like an alien to him.

“Mom I don’t think you should be making dinner.” Connor took the pot out of her hands and ushered his mother towards the kitchen table. He knew not to let a drunk person near hot pots and pans, and fire. Amanda sat at the table, but didn’t do so without a struggle.

“But why not? How else will we eat?” She asked.

“Well for starters you’re drunk, mom. And we can just order a pizza or something.”

“Oh I’m not drunk sweetie.” Amanda said as she waved her hand in a dismissing manner. “I only had a few drinks. I can cook us anything.” She began to get up from her seat, but Connor grabbed her shoulders and lowered her back down.

“You just said that you and Mrs. Smith had a few bottles of wine. I don’t think you are sober.” Connor groaned. He was frustrated and annoyed. Stef had helped him build up at least a little bit of courage to talk to his mom, and now he had to take care of her. It didn’t seem fair to Connor; nothing was going as he had planned it. First his mom came early, then she saw him and Jude earlier that day, and now when he finally was going to come out to her, she comes home drunk. “Why couldn’t I have had a stress free weekend?” Connor thought.

Amanda even in her drunken state could sense the annoyance in Connor’s voice. “Are you mad at me, honey? Did I do something wrong?” Amanda turned in her chair so she was looking at Connor, who was thankful that she stayed seated.

“Am I mad?” Connor scoffed. “No mom, I’m not mad at all. What do I have to be mad about? That you came home plastered the one weekend I have to spend with you? No that’s fine. Or maybe I could be mad that you have a great life somewhere else and have basically forgotten all about me and dad. Oh wait, maybe it’s that my boyfriend is mad at me for being a jerk, when he is being an inconsiderate ass when I need him most.” The sarcastic tone to Connor’s voice did not go unnoticed by Amanda. “But why would I be mad?” He finished with a huff and started pacing back and forth while Amanda watched him, suddenly feeling a little more sober.

“Boyfriend?” Amanda asked. “Do you mean Jude? Is he your boyfriend?” Connor immediately stopped pacing and stared at his mother in terror. He was so upset that he had realized what words were coming out of his mouth.

Connor opened his mouth to respond to his mother’s question, but he couldn’t find the words to answer her. At first he thought about lying and just telling her that Jude wasn’t his boyfriend, although after today Connor wasn’t sure if he would be lying. But he decided to just nod his head to tell his mom what she was waiting to know.

“And your father’s okay with this?” There didn’t seem to be any malice in her voice, but Connor wasn’t sure of that was because his mom sounded less menacing when she was slurring her words.

Connor took a deep breath to prepare himself for whatever this conversation brought. “He wasn’t at first, but he’s better now.” Connor told her. “He’s really been trying to be a better dad since you’ve been gone.”

Amanda stood up and Connor tried to sit her down again, but she put her hand up to stop him. She proceeded to grab a large glass and fill it up with water. She needed to sober up if she was going to have this conversation. Once she had her drink she sat down at the kitchen island, while Connor was opposite of her, but he was standing.

“Listen, Connor, I love you, but I need some time to process this. I had my suspicions when you were younger, but I never thought you would actually be gay. You’re so young, are you sure you aren’t just confused?”

“I’m not confused mom! I like guys, not girls, guys! And I really like Jude. I like him a lot. And nothing you do or say will change that.” Connor could feel tears starting to form in his eyes and went to wipe them away. Amanda seemed like she wouldn’t care at all, and her reaction was a shock to Connor. He tried to prepare for the worst, but for once he didn’t want to have to do that and so he got his hopes up. This weekend was way too stressful and emotional, and if Connor started crying now, he knew he would have a hard time stopping.

“Okay Connor.”

“What?” Connor asked her.

“Okay, nothing I say or do can change who you are. I get that. I still need time for this to information to settle. I still love you honey. You have to understand though; your father never told me you were dating Jude. Hell, I thought you were dating that Daria girl when I got here yesterday. It just a lot to take in. You are growing up and changing, and I’m not here to see it. I just need time Connor.” Amanda started to cry realizing how much she really didn’t know her own son. She put her head in her hands so Connor wouldn’t have to see his mother cry.

Suddenly a shadow covered Amanda’s face and she looked up and Connor was standing over her with his arms open. She understood, and went in to embrace her son. Tears began to fall from Connor’s eyes now.

“Umm, I think I’m gonna head up to my room for a bit.” Connor said as he left his mom’s arms. He wiped his eyes, but knew it didn’t help that much. “Want to order a pizza and get me when it’s here?” Amanda nodded and Connor headed towards the staircase. Before he left the kitchen he turned around, “I love you mom.”

“I love you too, son.” Amanda told him. Connor turned around again and headed to his bedroom.

As soon as he got to his room he got out his phone to send a text. He wasn’t sure what Jude would be doing, but he figured he should know what happened, even if he didn’t care at the moment.

Connor: So I told her


End file.
